The maid of honor just puked.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
