I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
