i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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