I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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