You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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