dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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