At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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