she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
