dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
