i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
