He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
