I wannas sexs uuuuu
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
