Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
