i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
