I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
