we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
