OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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