No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
