Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
