i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Randomize
