grandma shit on top of the toilet
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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