he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
