I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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