I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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