Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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