a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
