I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
