Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You made out with two different species that night
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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