omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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