My boss' voice literally gives me gas
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
