you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
