awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
