If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
