Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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