Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
