census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Randomize
