I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
