I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
