I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
