Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
