So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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