his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
