ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
