The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
