If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
