shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Ladies don't puke and tell
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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