My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
