Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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