I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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