PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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