im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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