Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
