I can't watch pbs sober anymore
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
