I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
