so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
