I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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